A day of (mis)guided meditation

One of my many goals for my new life in Hong Kong was to learn how to meditate. I've always has a hard time turning off my mind at night even though I currently don't have a single thing to be stressed about (let's hope it stays that way!)

My friend J asked me if I wanted to join her for some morning relaxation at a local mediation center. I didn't have high hopes for this 1 1/2 hour class since I have a hard time sitting still for more than 20 minutes, but I was ready to try something new.

When we arrived at the center, we were greeted by a nice British woman who was playing with a dog. She was talking to the dog like it was a human. "I will not be back until late tonight because I have to go see a sick cat," she said. Ok, so some people love animals. I am not one of them.

This animal lover told us she would be our instructor and that we were the only two scheduled for the class. "Great," I whispered to J. "Now I won't be able to duck out in the middle of the session if I don't like it!" As some of my teacher friends from NYC know, I have had to "duck out" of yoga during the meditation part a few times due to my uncontrollable laughter.

The instructor, we will call her R, escorted us into her studio. (she couldn't open the metal gate door and we had to slide our bodies through a small hole) R told us to sit on the floor while she got the materials ready. Materials? What kind of materials did she need for guided mediation. Oh she needed her magic crystals, angel cards, healing book, and background music.



She started asking us questions about our lives. She told me I come from a very spiritual family and that my mom and grandma are/were very spiritual ladies. She added that I really need to start embracing my spirituality. I swear I thought she was going to read my palm and tell me my fortune.

We participated in some strange stretching and chanting, which I couldn't handle because I was trying so hard to control my laughter. The three of us had to hold hands in a circle. I was squeezing J's hand so hard as to say "what the heck are we doing here?" She squeezed back just as hard so I knew I wasn't alone in thinking this was a little wacky.

We finally reached the guided meditation, the reason for attending this class in the first place. R put on some music and began. Her British accent was soothing and I thought to myself "this is actually going to be nice!" After a minute of focusing on our breathing and our inner child, we were in Stonehenge! Jesus, the saints, the gnomes, fairies, elves, and angels were among us. We went down into a crystal cave and there he was! Merlin, white beard and all! At this point, I thought I was listening to a recorded version of Harry Potter.

When we were back on planet earth, R had us pick angel cards and read them out loud. Mine said:



And it was...